It's been a funny sort of week, I had more plans than I've ever had before but ended up doing about as much as I usually do when flu suddenly struck me down like an angry Zeus. I feel like I haven't swallowed in days, it's so difficult and painful to do so!
I'm afraid this post will be relatively short as, though I am better I'm still suffering from a lot of symptoms and spending a lot of my time cuddled up in bed waiting for mum to bring me soup.
Due to this, I missed both Tamsin's debut as a playwright (boo!) and Durham Gay Pride (less boo...) but I did manage to peel myself off the mattress this evening to get to Holly's gig and listen to some lovely music from up and coming musicians! I also spent the evening with Holly's mates, some of whom I have known since school, some I just met tonight. It was a strange sort of mix, being in a group of people who partly know me by my old name and watched me grow up, and others who are just meeting the current product.
One such person was Toni, a girl I went to school with and always looked up to as kind of the 'cool older girl' type but never really spent as much time with as I'd like. It was really nice to see her again and have a bit of a catch up, though I'm sure I barely scraped the surface. Darren and Matthew were also there, who I bumped into at Holly's art show, and who I know from Back In The Day.
It was unbelievably reassuring to spend an evening with the Old Crowd and not have a single person ask about S or mention them or allude to them in any way. I've spent so many years terrified of seeing any of them again because of the inevitable (or so I thought) conversation about them that would ensue. Turns out it wasn't so inevitable after all. Of course, the by-product of this is that the whole journey home I spent getting increasingly paranoid about 'well, they didn't mention S but I bet they were thinking it' which was less than productive.
I'm sure there are people who would say or think about S if they bumped into me again and that's ok. The point is most people, surprisingly enough, don't spend every waking moment planning how to corner me and force me to have a conversation I don't want to have. I'm trying really hard to expose myself to situations and teach myself to believe what I know to be true. S isn't lurking around every corner, neither is the memory of them, ready to strike from another's lips.
If tonight was any indication, this is going to be a very long process, I'm not even sure I'll ever fully get there but if I can learn to ignore it or enjoy myself despite my fears then that will be enough.
Trying very hard not to melt in the heat
Anyway, Holly's EP will be available soon but until then I highly recommend you check her out on youtube and subscribe to her Patreon!
I was super gutted that I missed Tamsin's play, the majestically titled Fingerwank - I mean, who wouldn't want to see that?! - it's been a while since I saw anything at the theatre and I'm always keen to try and support new people in the industry, especially those I've grown up with. From what I've gathered it was, unsurprisingly, a roaring success, and I am determined to make it to her next piece whatever it may be.
Durham Pride was a little less missed after a whole debacle on twitter over blackface and whether or not it was a problem(!). It rained all day and there was quite a presence of armed police so I think perhaps wrapped up in blankets was the best place I could be. I was a little disappointed that I didn't get to take my sister to her first pride but at the same time I would have been very disappointed in myself for advocating a Pride that would rather plug it's ears than admit to the very real issues it was perpetrating.
I've done a fair bit of work on my channel this week; I've even started recording a whole new series! I'm so pleased with how it's going and there's a possibility of a collaboration in the near future with another Let's Player who I quite enjoy called ZigZakk.
I'm afraid I'll have to leave it there, folks, as a headache is looming and I think I ought to go back to bed. I'll see you again next week!
Xx
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