It's been another struggle of a week as I've barely managed to stay conscious for most of it. Rather awake today which is a very welcome change, I'm happy to say! I also managed to get my butt into gear and do some more recording which is a bit of a major fucking victory as far as I'm concerned.
So professional I keep recording even with injuries!
I have a very black & white way of looking at things and often spiral out into despair at the first set back; 'oh you had one day off doing the thing? well, it's ruined now you may as well just give up altogether and wallow in self pity in your bedroom for at least the next 7 years.'
With illness (hard to record an audiobook when you've lost your voice, apparently!) and then with the Laptop Black Death of 2017, I was out of commission for a couple of weeks. Perhaps closer to a month, even, but I managed to force myself to stop procrastinating once I was better and recorded three chapters on the trot! Far from completing the work, sure, but this is such a big step for me. I really can't remember the last time I managed to pick myself up like this after a set back, however minor. Believe me, it's not the easiest way to live!
Rockin' the Slytherin garb
I'm hoping that having seen it first hand, she will actually take it a little more seriously than everyone else has and possibly be able to shunt the doctor into some kind of action instead of just 'well no one has told me it's a problem and I can't possibly take your word for it even though it's your medical condition.' I mean can you imagine going to A&E with a bone sticking out of your arm and the doctor saying 'oh no, you need to wait 6 months for an assessment by a different doctor who will then write to me to confirm that is actually a bone - unless he can't be arsed - and then you need to come and see me and remind me about it and only then will I try to book you an appointment for you to look into getting the bone realigned. Which will be another two months, at least. Good luck!'
Of course, this analogy can be applied to about 6 different conditions I'm dealing with so I'm sure you can understand my frustration with the NHS. I mean, I can't really blame anyone in particular. It's just that the system is completely archaic and the govt. don't seem all that interested in giving it a kick into the 21st century. I'm half expecting my DSA meeting tomorrow to recommend a good leeching.
Mum papped me cooing over the cat!
Which is another bone of bloody contention! I sent off all the documentation they requested weeks ago and at 4:45pm today I get an email saying 'oh btw can you scan these items before 5pm? If you can't get in touch.' Unfortunately I'm not psychic and didn't think to check my email at precisely 4:46 so by the time I'd read it, they'd already closed. I know for a fact I've already sent the documents they asked for, and I'm pretty sure they received them since the email mentioned other things we'd sent in the same envelope that they already had hold of. But even if I hadn't, don't you think fifteen minutes before closing is leaving it a little bit last minute?! So now, of course, I've gone into complete panic mode wondering where their copy is, what I can do since I can't scan mine or tell them and whether or not I'll even have an appointment now since they said they can't do it without all documents beforehand. I really hate surprises. I'm too autistic for this shit.
*deep breath in*
Ok. I'm fine.
Other than all of that bollocks, CC2 was actually pretty helpful. I think she could see what I've been dealing with given that my 'care package' - which is supposed to let her know everything I've done so far and a basic medical history etc - basically comprised of 'they struggle with stuff. They will use methods to deal with it.'
She also seemed pretty surprised when everything she mentioned (i.e. 'have you tried this?') not a single person has ever mentioned to me before. In twelve years. I may have only moved 7 miles up the road but it's also about 50 years into the fucking future!
I'm a little sceptical since lots of people like to give me the 'we'll do X, Y and Z' next session spiel but never follow through, but I am allowing myself to give her the benefit of the doubt this first time to see where it goes.
I noticed she was a lot more pleasant with me this time around, I think last time she'd assumed I'd been given all of these options previously and refused them or something so now she has a better idea of what I've been offered she's a lot more understanding. Which is very nice as, if you read last week's blog, I've gone from CC1's 'we're punishing you for going to uni by not giving you therapy lolbai' to CC2's 'we can't offer short term therapy as it's unsafe, however...' which makes all the fucking difference! Last week I cried and felt hopeless, this week I see a glimmer of optimism.
Anyway, we'll see if this one actually goes anywhere.
In exciting news this week, not only have I released my two usual videos, but also a sneak peek at my upcoming audiobook and I set up a Patreon account!
For those of you that don't know, Patreon offers people the chance to become my patron (for only $1!) and get access to behind the scenes sneaky sneaky stuff that others don't get to see. All the proceeds will go towards keeping my youtube channel up and running and providing you lot with great content! If you can't afford to contribute - which I totally understand - sharing my youtube channel or my Patreon page would be an amazing help too!
Semester Aboard was written by the incredibly talented Elizabeth Kirke and I'm so excited to be the voice behind the audiobook!
Phew, that's a lot to take in! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading about this week's adventures and I'll see you next week!
Xx
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