Hello all
Once again, it's been a roller coaster of a week. The tail end of last week was an absolute disaster but I think it just goes to show how much I've improved in recent months that I was able to pick myself up in a matter of days instead of weeks!
[TW: mental health, drugs]
As I've already mentioned, I frequently have nightmares and flashbacks due to PTSD and other fun things but what I don't think I've told you before is that an unfortunate side effect of my current medication is that it seems to work as a steroid for bad dreams. Since I started this new course of happy pills my nightmares have evolved into such realistic and complex odysseys that I wake up feeling like I couldn't possibly have imagined it up on my own and somehow an outside influence is pouring these stories into my ears while I sleep. Occasionally, it has worked out for the better and I've come up with some fantastic adventures but mostly I wake in the dark in sheer terror. It's a little difficult to decide whether continuing these meds will help or not; on the one hand there's no denying that my mood is more stable but the counter effects of being so shaken by my dreams means that it takes me several hours every day just to reach a point where I can cope.
On top of this, a problem I've had for a few years now but also seems to have been exacerbated by the meds is my difficulty in waking up. It's not dissimilar to sleep paralysis but instead of exclusively affecting my body it affects my ability to stay conscious. I can come round long enough to look at my surroundings but before I know it I'm making myself wake up again. And again. And again. On rare occasions it lasts for a couple of hours and I absolutely bloody hate it. I remember once I was staying at a friends house and someone came to fix the skylight above the bed and they had to awkwardly stand over me because I couldn't wake up. What they must have thought!
Anyway, combine the two and you get a very anxious enby who can't escape from the nightmares they're having until someone (usually mum) intervenes. The reason I've explained all this today is that my nightmares reached peak shitty-ness last week when at about 3am in the middle of the worst nightmare I've had in a long time, I managed to wake myself long enough to call for help. Mum managed to walk/drag me into her room and sit me up long enough for me to wake up properly. That was when I realised I was soaking wet. It's not pretty but I left a pool of sweat on my sheets and, after changing, had to sleep in my mum's room like a toddler.
[/TW]
After some couch time to indulge my self pity, I managed to peel myself upright and went shopping with mum. It may not seem like much but I like to try and go on the weekly food shop, it's an excuse to get out of the house and I don't have many of those! I mention this one in particular because it was one of those rare occasions where all my problems melt away and I see a glimpse of the person I would be if I wasn't mentally I'll. I like them; they're daft and carefree and they make my mum giggle like a schoolgirl. We danced to the terrible music, I knew people were looking and probably laughing but I didn't care because I was laughing too. I spilled a drink (I shook it before I opened it, thinking it was flat... it wasn't.) And she fled the scene cackling like a witch. Then in the car we had to wait about five minutes before leaving because she couldn't breathe from laughing at her bum chocolate.
I had quite a bit of couch time again this week so I finally caught up with the new season of Archer which I didn't enjoy as much as the previous seasons but I don't know if that's because it wasn't as good or because I was watching it on the back of one of my worse nightmares and feeling very sorry for myself. I think perhaps a mix of the two though, because I also watched the new Black Mirror and oh my gosh it's so gooooooood.
I've been a big fan of the series for a few years now and I was so happy to hear it was coming back. It's a show that walks the fine line between dystopian future and present day drama. It's funny, dark, touching, terrifying, comforting and gorgeous all in one. The CG is just enough to bridge the gap between our technology and theirs, the script is elegant and realistic at the same time. The acting is simply superb, you can tell every single actor is so excited to be a part of the show. There are a few parallels between episodes which are fun to spot but mostly each episode is stand alone which means there's almost a guarantee you will like at least one. Some are darker, some are sweeter, some are funnier; every episode is it's own experience. That's what I love about the show, not everyone lives in the same world and so they shouldn't all be seen in the same genre. There's real hope and poignancy in moments, breaking up the tragedy enough for you to want more, to want that character to get just a little bit further, to keep struggling just a little longer until they make it. In an hour you will see more facets to these people than some shows give you in entire seasons. As much as Black Mirror uses futurism and technological advances in it's plot, it's still first and foremost about people and the choices they make. Well, that and making you terrified of your mobile phone.
On Saturday night I went through to Crook Hall in Durham for a wedding. My Uncle has his own pizza business and was hired to cater the party after the wedding, he needed an extra pair of hands and they came attached to me. I basically spent the night running up and down some stairs in the pouring rain with pizza in my hands. Good cardio! There's a few vids on my instagram of the magic happening, feel free to look through them so I don't have to make every single word a link! I was rewarded for my efforts with a pizza of my very own (brie, courgette and caramelised red onion, yum!) And sitting in a car for half an hour with a flat tire. My poor uncle had to fix it in the middle of the night in the freezing cold after a day of work but the worst part was how tantalisingly, cruelly close we were to a lured Pokestop! I'd already been out in the rain half the night so I didn't fancy trudging down a dark street watching my fingers fall off, even if it would help me catch a Dragonite!
On Sunday mum and I had planned to go to Newcastle but I had a very mild cold and she had a much worse one so we camped out on the couch and watched Bleak House instead. She's been working on her second history book, about a local vicar who seemed to do enough in his lifetime for 4 separate people to live fulfilled lives. On Tuesday, we trekked down to Northallerton (and then up to Durham) to pore over some old records and add to the growing picture she's building of a man she admires.
This is the only time I've helped mum look through records outside of the house and if I were to assume all record staff were the same as the ones I met that day then they are all assholes. We were belittled, ignored, insulted and generally patronised by several men who clearly knew far more than us mere mortals lacking penises, and therefore, several IQ points... we spoke to someone on the phone before traipsing down to Northallerton and we were told that they had 'loads of stuff' which would basically all be laid out for us to peruse at our leisure. When we arrived we found one book with barely a handful of useful words and nothing else. The one computer in the whole office was spoken for and the same man who spoke to us on the phone, and had promised so much, said 'I bet you didn't find anything.' Cheers. Thank you so much for that. Mum was fuming but I talked her into heading to Durham where we had much more luck, though we're treated with utter contempt by the staff who insisted the computers were there 'for research only'. Because we clearly went to a research library to look at porn. Still, I'm glad we made the effort because she seemed a lot happier afterwards. And we got chocolate which solves all problems, as I'm sure you know.
Which brings us nicely up to present day and why this post is a teensy tiny bit late. Though if you're in America I'm bang on time! Today, mum and my joined my Uncle and his wife and son at South Lakes Safari Zoo, it was my cousin's first zoo and I was so excited to see what he'd make of the animals. Things didn't exactly go according to plan; we stopped off at what used to be a really nice motorway café where the most appetising looking food was a sausage rolls that was so greasy it fused completely to my napkin. I honestly think that's the first meal I've ever refused which should give you a fair idea of how icky it looked! Mum managed to choke down her slightly less greasy roll but I could tell she regretted it. Once we got on our way again we got into an incredibly long traffic jam which added more than an hour to our journey time (already two hours!). There was a really bad looking crash, a car ended up on it's side somehow blocking traffic in both directions for miles. Obviously, I'm not complaining and I hope everyone got out okay but it was a long final hour and we were half asleep by the time we finally made it to the zoo.
The purchasing of tickets was a strange state of affairs. Mum could pay £33 for me and her to enter, or £12 for both of us to enter and get to see animal feeds and ride the train. No idea how that works but of course we got the cheaper, but better tickets. Good thing too as my cousin was far more excited about the train than anything else!
We got to walk among the animals, to the point where a rhea all but put his head on my shoulder and I nearly stood on a kangaroo tail! I got to see my Patronus up close and personal, as well as their cousins. My cousin absolutely adored the monkeys too and in the gift shop found the one fluorescent pink lemur and hugged it tight making sure we all joined in with his 'aww!'s. We saw a great deal of cuteness; a teeny tiny rhino, fruit bats (if you don't think bats are cute you are very wrong), tapirs, giraffes, pingus... again, many pics and photos on my Instagram.
And that's it for another week. Apologies again for the lateness but due to traffic (and McDonald's) we didn't get back til 7 and then we just had to watch Bake Off and upload all my photos. Got there in the end. See you next week!
Xx
27 Oct 2016
19 Oct 2016
19.10.16
Hello all
Well, it's been a very topsy-turvy kinda week. Done some fun and nice things but had so many nightmares about S, migraines and panic attacks that I spent most of my time curled up on the couch feeling sorry for myself. I did, however, get the chance to catch up on lots Netflix because of this. Mostly though, this has been a week of planning. I made plans to stay with the lovely Mel for New Year (and finally meet the equally lovely Gracie), I made plans to help my uncle with his pizza business this weekend, I made plans to go to the zoo with mum over the half term holidays and I made plans to go and hijack Ant's TV the weekend after. I may be biased but my uncle makes damn good pizza.
Onto what I actually did, I went to Durham at the weekend with mum for the book festival. We were expecting stalls and events and general festivaly-ness but it looks like the only thing actually going on was a few talks that you had to pay to attend. Bit disappointing but we had a nice walk about town and, owing to the book festival no doubt, I caught a Lapras in Waterstones. I got three new Pokèmon that day so a weekend well spent, by all accounts!
On Monday I went to visit my dad which always ends up being a bit of a mystery tour. He bought some new fish to add to the ever increasing collection and we went to see my Nana D and great aunt & uncle whom I've never met before. It's a bit odd when you can go back several hundred years on one side of the family tree and you know absolutely nothing about the other; I have surprise relatives popping up all over the place. I've always thought I had a big family but it's practically doubled in the past five years. It was nice sitting in the living room helping set up their TV finding another page of my history. They seem like really lovely people and when I told mum she had nothing but good things to say which was rather remarkable considering her usual shall we say 'stoicism' when it comes to talking about my dad or anything to do with him.
I had to remind my nana of my orientation when she once again asked if I had a boyfriend which led to one of the most bizarre conversations I've ever had.
Me: I'm gay.
Nana: you're not, are you?
Dad: they told you last time and you said 'that's funny isn't it?'
Nana: I didn't, you didn't tell me, did you?
Me: yeah
Nana: no you didn't, it's not something you forget, is it.
Me: well... I've never forgotten?
Bless.
In other news, there's been a bit of a lack of watchable telly of late so I've been entertaining mum with various cooking programmes on Netflix, her favourite so far seems to be The Mind of a Chef which is a nice balance of entertaining and informative, and is definitely to blame for the influx of ramen we've been eating!
Once mum was safely tucked up in bed, I started watching Scorpion, Lake Cage and Power. I haven't finished the latter yet but I'm really enjoying how I seem to be rooting for a different character every episode as more and more of the incredibly complex plot is revealed. My fave is still my fave though, despite being a little on the violent side, for the pure and simple fact that he's the only character that has no ulterior motive. He knows exactly what he wants out of life and he doesn't mince his words telling you so. I respect that and I hope he at least makes it out of the tangled web the others are weaving. It's also very refreshing to watch a show with a gangsta white boy who doesn't need to use the N word to be street. The script is so good, and liberally sprinkled with some very slick sex scenes - so there's something for everyone!
Netflix only has season 1 of Scorpion so that's all I've watched and aside from the 'oh no everyone's leaving lol jk we're getting the band back together' season finale that everyone does, I really enjoyed it. Happy is one of my favourite characters from any show ever. We need more angry, genius, unapologetic girls. Especially those of whom that can scale a building and may kill you with a socket wrench at any moment. Good times. It was also kind of comforting to watch a series about a group of people who seem brusk and blunt because they deal with things in a way that seems logical to them and don't understand that other people won't immediately see it that way no matter how clever they are. I can relate to that, aside from the 197 IQ, obviously!
I've left Luke Cage 'til last because I was thinking about it last night before I fell asleep and if I write half of what I came up with then, it's going to be an essay! Firstly, to the people complaining about the lack of white people in Cage; I advise you to watch any other TV show ever. Idiots. I really liked Daredevil, and I liked Cage even more. What a great collection of characters and actors. Each of the Marvel shows has a great script but this one is probably my favourite in terms of dialogue that just rolls off the tongue - a real gift for any actor. I really enjoyed getting to know Luke and Reva after adoring him in Jessica Jones, especially the glimpses into his back story at Seagate prison. I also think they did an amazing job with characters such as Pop and Mama Mabel (played by the incredible Frankie Faison and LaTanya Richardson Jackson respectively) who, when you think about it, we're hardly in the show at all but their impact resonated throughout to the point where you feel like they were around a lot more than they actually were.
Personally, I greatly prefer these shows to the big blockbuster movies and I think it's for the simple fact that they're - for lack of a better way of explaining it - normal superheroes. It's much easier to root for the guy down the street than it is to support the billionaire who may well have saved the world but isn't relatable in any way.
As much as people think Iron Man is funny and Thor is sweet and yadda yadda, Cage, Jones and Murdock are real people making a difference people can actually see. There's a reason 99% of horror movies have the same basic formula - watching 3000 people killed all at once isn't scary because we can't connect to that huge number of lives. Watching one person die that you see as a person will always be infinitely more effective. I apply the same rule to action movies and superheroes. Show me a building collapsing killing hundreds and I will look at the effects and the sound and the choreography of the battle sequence, show me a human being and I will respond emotionally.
As amazing as those big superheroes are, there's something so wonderful about the small scale heroes who aren't interested in saving the world, or even in being a hero, they just want to make someone proud, to escape their past, to make a difference to their community. They may have gifts that we don't, but isn't that what we all want?
[Mild TW: abuse]
As much as I enjoyed Cage my heart belongs to Jessica Jones because I see myself in her so much: I, too, have to replace my bed once a week due to rampant sex. But in all seriousness, watching this spectacularly powerful woman running in pure terror from someone she once loved and trusted implicitly, someone who turned her life upside down, trapped her, violated her... it was hard for me to watch seeing so many similarities in my own past but at the same time I couldn't look away. It was equal parts cathartic and disturbing. I don't know if saying I 'enjoyed' it is exactly accurate but it's a show that I still frequently think about even though I watched it months ago.
I've been preoccupied by it a lot more this week due to my aforementioned nightmares about S. I don't know which is worse - the flashbacks and the terror or the dreams where we're friends again and I wake up to that feeling of walking up the stairs in the dark and thinking there's one more step than there is. Oh. Having to fast forward through the betrayal and the pain and the tears every morning is so fucking draining. That's the overall feeling of this week; I'm just so tired.
A thought occurred to me recently that really bothered me. I wrote it down and I want tone remember it because I think challenging and overcoming this thought is paramount to my recovery.
'I'm afraid to get better because then I won't have an excuse for being a failure.'
Hopefully all of my plans will mean that next week is better.
Xx
Well, it's been a very topsy-turvy kinda week. Done some fun and nice things but had so many nightmares about S, migraines and panic attacks that I spent most of my time curled up on the couch feeling sorry for myself. I did, however, get the chance to catch up on lots Netflix because of this. Mostly though, this has been a week of planning. I made plans to stay with the lovely Mel for New Year (and finally meet the equally lovely Gracie), I made plans to help my uncle with his pizza business this weekend, I made plans to go to the zoo with mum over the half term holidays and I made plans to go and hijack Ant's TV the weekend after. I may be biased but my uncle makes damn good pizza.
Onto what I actually did, I went to Durham at the weekend with mum for the book festival. We were expecting stalls and events and general festivaly-ness but it looks like the only thing actually going on was a few talks that you had to pay to attend. Bit disappointing but we had a nice walk about town and, owing to the book festival no doubt, I caught a Lapras in Waterstones. I got three new Pokèmon that day so a weekend well spent, by all accounts!
On Monday I went to visit my dad which always ends up being a bit of a mystery tour. He bought some new fish to add to the ever increasing collection and we went to see my Nana D and great aunt & uncle whom I've never met before. It's a bit odd when you can go back several hundred years on one side of the family tree and you know absolutely nothing about the other; I have surprise relatives popping up all over the place. I've always thought I had a big family but it's practically doubled in the past five years. It was nice sitting in the living room helping set up their TV finding another page of my history. They seem like really lovely people and when I told mum she had nothing but good things to say which was rather remarkable considering her usual shall we say 'stoicism' when it comes to talking about my dad or anything to do with him.
I had to remind my nana of my orientation when she once again asked if I had a boyfriend which led to one of the most bizarre conversations I've ever had.
Me: I'm gay.
Nana: you're not, are you?
Dad: they told you last time and you said 'that's funny isn't it?'
Nana: I didn't, you didn't tell me, did you?
Me: yeah
Nana: no you didn't, it's not something you forget, is it.
Me: well... I've never forgotten?
Bless.
In other news, there's been a bit of a lack of watchable telly of late so I've been entertaining mum with various cooking programmes on Netflix, her favourite so far seems to be The Mind of a Chef which is a nice balance of entertaining and informative, and is definitely to blame for the influx of ramen we've been eating!
Once mum was safely tucked up in bed, I started watching Scorpion, Lake Cage and Power. I haven't finished the latter yet but I'm really enjoying how I seem to be rooting for a different character every episode as more and more of the incredibly complex plot is revealed. My fave is still my fave though, despite being a little on the violent side, for the pure and simple fact that he's the only character that has no ulterior motive. He knows exactly what he wants out of life and he doesn't mince his words telling you so. I respect that and I hope he at least makes it out of the tangled web the others are weaving. It's also very refreshing to watch a show with a gangsta white boy who doesn't need to use the N word to be street. The script is so good, and liberally sprinkled with some very slick sex scenes - so there's something for everyone!
Netflix only has season 1 of Scorpion so that's all I've watched and aside from the 'oh no everyone's leaving lol jk we're getting the band back together' season finale that everyone does, I really enjoyed it. Happy is one of my favourite characters from any show ever. We need more angry, genius, unapologetic girls. Especially those of whom that can scale a building and may kill you with a socket wrench at any moment. Good times. It was also kind of comforting to watch a series about a group of people who seem brusk and blunt because they deal with things in a way that seems logical to them and don't understand that other people won't immediately see it that way no matter how clever they are. I can relate to that, aside from the 197 IQ, obviously!
I've left Luke Cage 'til last because I was thinking about it last night before I fell asleep and if I write half of what I came up with then, it's going to be an essay! Firstly, to the people complaining about the lack of white people in Cage; I advise you to watch any other TV show ever. Idiots. I really liked Daredevil, and I liked Cage even more. What a great collection of characters and actors. Each of the Marvel shows has a great script but this one is probably my favourite in terms of dialogue that just rolls off the tongue - a real gift for any actor. I really enjoyed getting to know Luke and Reva after adoring him in Jessica Jones, especially the glimpses into his back story at Seagate prison. I also think they did an amazing job with characters such as Pop and Mama Mabel (played by the incredible Frankie Faison and LaTanya Richardson Jackson respectively) who, when you think about it, we're hardly in the show at all but their impact resonated throughout to the point where you feel like they were around a lot more than they actually were.
Personally, I greatly prefer these shows to the big blockbuster movies and I think it's for the simple fact that they're - for lack of a better way of explaining it - normal superheroes. It's much easier to root for the guy down the street than it is to support the billionaire who may well have saved the world but isn't relatable in any way.
As much as people think Iron Man is funny and Thor is sweet and yadda yadda, Cage, Jones and Murdock are real people making a difference people can actually see. There's a reason 99% of horror movies have the same basic formula - watching 3000 people killed all at once isn't scary because we can't connect to that huge number of lives. Watching one person die that you see as a person will always be infinitely more effective. I apply the same rule to action movies and superheroes. Show me a building collapsing killing hundreds and I will look at the effects and the sound and the choreography of the battle sequence, show me a human being and I will respond emotionally.
As amazing as those big superheroes are, there's something so wonderful about the small scale heroes who aren't interested in saving the world, or even in being a hero, they just want to make someone proud, to escape their past, to make a difference to their community. They may have gifts that we don't, but isn't that what we all want?
[Mild TW: abuse]
As much as I enjoyed Cage my heart belongs to Jessica Jones because I see myself in her so much: I, too, have to replace my bed once a week due to rampant sex. But in all seriousness, watching this spectacularly powerful woman running in pure terror from someone she once loved and trusted implicitly, someone who turned her life upside down, trapped her, violated her... it was hard for me to watch seeing so many similarities in my own past but at the same time I couldn't look away. It was equal parts cathartic and disturbing. I don't know if saying I 'enjoyed' it is exactly accurate but it's a show that I still frequently think about even though I watched it months ago.
I've been preoccupied by it a lot more this week due to my aforementioned nightmares about S. I don't know which is worse - the flashbacks and the terror or the dreams where we're friends again and I wake up to that feeling of walking up the stairs in the dark and thinking there's one more step than there is. Oh. Having to fast forward through the betrayal and the pain and the tears every morning is so fucking draining. That's the overall feeling of this week; I'm just so tired.
A thought occurred to me recently that really bothered me. I wrote it down and I want tone remember it because I think challenging and overcoming this thought is paramount to my recovery.
'I'm afraid to get better because then I won't have an excuse for being a failure.'
Hopefully all of my plans will mean that next week is better.
Xx
12 Oct 2016
12.10.16 (Better Late Than Never!)
Hello all!
This would have been posted hours ago but the internet hates me. Still, got there in the end!
After a week of the cat following me around and trying to lovingly break my neck at every opportunity, I was off to London for belated but very much anticipated birthday celebrations with Mel. Mum thinks she somehow knew I was going away... she is a smart cookie so I suppose it's possible! I'm usually a light packer but I somehow managed to stuff the bare minimum into my bag and make it weigh more than me. It still looked half empty but picking it up all but wrenched my arms out of the sockets.
I just about managed to struggle onto the train and into my seat, crushing several innocent bystanders in the process; it was pretty busy and I had to turf someone out of my seat. The guy next to me was playing a game on his laptop which I thought might have been Pokèmon at first glance - pixelly little dude walking around entering battles and lots of text along the bottom. Partway through the trip, he asked me if I was reading The Lord of the Rings, to which I said 'yes' though in all honesty I probably should have said 'yes but I keep watching your game over your shoulder like a nosy parker.'
He introduced himself as Zeke and voluntarily showed me what he was playing - a fun little adventure called Undertale - and we spent the rest of the journey snickering away together while I insisted we go on a date with a skeleton called Papyrus who'd just tried to kill us, albeit not very well. There's a lot of nerdy little jokes throughout and I thoroughly enjoyed my brief foray into that strange little world. Very thankful to Zeke for introducing it to me and in another life we may have been friends but since finding out he's Team Instinct we're now sworn enemies... Ah well, you win some, you lose some!
Once we arrived in London, I found Mel and we went shopping for some essential supplies for the weekend; Prosecco and snacks. We got to the hotel and I immediately ripped into my presents - lots of Slytherin goodies, nail polish and the first Attack on Titan manga. I am a very spoiled and lucky enby.
After a quick change, we went out again and made our way to She which is a gorgeous little lesbian bar in Soho. It's quite a small space, below street level and quite reminds me of a bomb shelter or underground bunker. The walls are adorned with various elegant looking women which was rather reminiscent of Gigola and the women the film is based on. There was a great atmosphere, relaxed and yet electric. We danced the night away until kicking out time. I was however, gravely injured, when two highly enthusiastic snogging lesbians careened into me, all elbows and pointy bits and my arm is still blue and tender! I fear I'm not long for this world...
Being that it was a bizarrely hot October, neither of us slept very well so we spent a lazy morning watching A Very Potter Sequel and probably annoying our neighbours who weren't ready for a full blown musical at 8am on a Saturday morning! Once it was a more reasonable hour, we got up and made our way to Bocca di Lupo, a restaurant I've had on my 'to eat' list for about 7 years. I say again, I am a very spoiled and lucky enby. Mel managed to snag the last reservation of that day for us to eat there and I'm so glad she did. Even the bread and olives were so much breadier and olivier than any I've had before. Mel had a delightful porcini mushroom risotto and I had a spider crab tagliolini which was utterly gorgeous (of course I tasted hers too!). We also had a side of roast pumpkin but we were so stuffed we had to leave most of it, though we did force down as many delicious mouthfuls as we could manage!
We had a few hours to kill before the evening show so we went for a wander around the city, heading for Leicester Square and Forbidden Planet. On the way we spotted the queue for Harry Potter and the Cursed Child and people were handing out fliers for a free exhibition just around the corner. We pocketed the fliers and headed off to Forbidden Planet, taking an extended detour when we spotted a Gengar on Pokèmon Go. Given that I live out in the sticks and generally see nothing but Weedle and Pidgey, I got a little bit excited. Strangely, since our trip, both Mel and I have had a mysterious addition of Pokèmon to our Pokèdexes which we haven't actually seen. Has anyone else had this happen?
Gengar safely in hand, or in ball, I suppose, we finally went into Forbidden Planet. I'm not entirely sure how long we spent in there (time moves differently when geeks converge), but we went through pretty much every manga, graphic novel, figurine and mug that they had to offer. Somehow, I managed to tear myself away without buying everything I could touch, but Mel didn't escape quite so unscathed as I found myself giving her a full lecture on everything we encountered, excitement spilling out of my mouth like glittery vomit. Poor, poor girl... and her poor, poor ears... I did buy one thing though, a copy of How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You forme mum. Having since read the whole book I was a little disappointed, it wasn't as funny as I had hoped - some I found great but I didn't think it was all quite at the same standard. Hopefully mum likes it though, it's always a bit hard to tell!
Once we escaped the time warp, we went to the Harry Potter exhibition in the House of MinaLima. If you are a Potter fan and in the area, I recommend going to check it out. It's free and the prints you can get (not free) are gorgeous and would make great gifts. There are so many movie props to see! The staff really knew there stuff and I had a really interesting conversation with one of them about the inspiration behind the art styles and the comparison between the anti-muggle literature and Cold War propaganda. I loved seeing these pieces from the later films because you need exceptionally sharp eyes to spot them within the actual movies and some poor soul must have spent hours on them! He also told me a great deal about the hidden gems that you can find in the Daily Prophet such as the infamous Ginger Witch (named after an accident prone ginger crew member) and her many brushes with death. I think Mel's favourite was the collection of newspaper ads such as the Witch Watcher's slimming potions! A whole floor was covered in the Marauder's Map and you were beckoned up to the exhibition by a trail of Hogwarts Acceptance Letters. Unfortunately, it's a small, old building with a spiral staircase so most likely not wheelchair accessible but you may want to check for yourself.
Dressing up for the second night in a row, we made our way to the London Palladium to see Alan Cumming Sings Sappy Songs. If you read my original post you will know that this show is a huge part of why I'm now writing this blog. Alan Cumming has an incredible voice, he manages to sing in his own accent while perfectly enunciating every word and ensuring you don't miss a single syllable. Even the song he chose in French is so well performed you felt that you understood every word regardless of whether you spoke the language. There was a real honesty to his stories and Alan possesses that rare gift of being able to perform to an innumerable audience and make each individual person feel a unique connection to both him and his tales.
As soon as we got home, we polished off the Prosecco and, once I downloaded Alan's album, I made Mel watch Battle Royale because I'm the type of friend who sets homework and will quiz you afterwards to make sure you were watching closely enough! I've honestly lost count of the amount of things I've made Mel watch/play/listen to, she has such patience!
The following day was a lot more relaxed and we returned to Oxford Circus to collapse in a coffee shop and catch some Pokèmon. It had been another hot night and we were both quite tired. I soon discovered that no amount of coffee would fend off the army of Drowzees that were surrounding us. We stayed there for a couple of hours and, once I'd used up all of Mel's lures, I bid her farewell and headed home.
On my way back, I was seated next to a very nice guy who was watching The Warriors, he even offered to let me borrow an ear bud and watch along, bless him. I made it home with even more stuff than I'd left with and mum all but carried me back to the sofa where we flicked on the TV just in time for Gladiators on Challenge. It was like I'd never left!
I had a really fantastic weekend and cannot thank Mel enough for everything she did for me, what an incredible birthday. As punishment, I've had a migraine since I got back (though not as bad as The Wedding Migraine of April '16) and had one of my 'favourite' recurring nightmares about S.
Got a few plans for next week and I look forward to telling you all about it next time!
Xx
This would have been posted hours ago but the internet hates me. Still, got there in the end!
After a week of the cat following me around and trying to lovingly break my neck at every opportunity, I was off to London for belated but very much anticipated birthday celebrations with Mel. Mum thinks she somehow knew I was going away... she is a smart cookie so I suppose it's possible! I'm usually a light packer but I somehow managed to stuff the bare minimum into my bag and make it weigh more than me. It still looked half empty but picking it up all but wrenched my arms out of the sockets.
I just about managed to struggle onto the train and into my seat, crushing several innocent bystanders in the process; it was pretty busy and I had to turf someone out of my seat. The guy next to me was playing a game on his laptop which I thought might have been Pokèmon at first glance - pixelly little dude walking around entering battles and lots of text along the bottom. Partway through the trip, he asked me if I was reading The Lord of the Rings, to which I said 'yes' though in all honesty I probably should have said 'yes but I keep watching your game over your shoulder like a nosy parker.'
He introduced himself as Zeke and voluntarily showed me what he was playing - a fun little adventure called Undertale - and we spent the rest of the journey snickering away together while I insisted we go on a date with a skeleton called Papyrus who'd just tried to kill us, albeit not very well. There's a lot of nerdy little jokes throughout and I thoroughly enjoyed my brief foray into that strange little world. Very thankful to Zeke for introducing it to me and in another life we may have been friends but since finding out he's Team Instinct we're now sworn enemies... Ah well, you win some, you lose some!
Once we arrived in London, I found Mel and we went shopping for some essential supplies for the weekend; Prosecco and snacks. We got to the hotel and I immediately ripped into my presents - lots of Slytherin goodies, nail polish and the first Attack on Titan manga. I am a very spoiled and lucky enby.
After a quick change, we went out again and made our way to She which is a gorgeous little lesbian bar in Soho. It's quite a small space, below street level and quite reminds me of a bomb shelter or underground bunker. The walls are adorned with various elegant looking women which was rather reminiscent of Gigola and the women the film is based on. There was a great atmosphere, relaxed and yet electric. We danced the night away until kicking out time. I was however, gravely injured, when two highly enthusiastic snogging lesbians careened into me, all elbows and pointy bits and my arm is still blue and tender! I fear I'm not long for this world...
Being that it was a bizarrely hot October, neither of us slept very well so we spent a lazy morning watching A Very Potter Sequel and probably annoying our neighbours who weren't ready for a full blown musical at 8am on a Saturday morning! Once it was a more reasonable hour, we got up and made our way to Bocca di Lupo, a restaurant I've had on my 'to eat' list for about 7 years. I say again, I am a very spoiled and lucky enby. Mel managed to snag the last reservation of that day for us to eat there and I'm so glad she did. Even the bread and olives were so much breadier and olivier than any I've had before. Mel had a delightful porcini mushroom risotto and I had a spider crab tagliolini which was utterly gorgeous (of course I tasted hers too!). We also had a side of roast pumpkin but we were so stuffed we had to leave most of it, though we did force down as many delicious mouthfuls as we could manage!
We had a few hours to kill before the evening show so we went for a wander around the city, heading for Leicester Square and Forbidden Planet. On the way we spotted the queue for Harry Potter and the Cursed Child and people were handing out fliers for a free exhibition just around the corner. We pocketed the fliers and headed off to Forbidden Planet, taking an extended detour when we spotted a Gengar on Pokèmon Go. Given that I live out in the sticks and generally see nothing but Weedle and Pidgey, I got a little bit excited. Strangely, since our trip, both Mel and I have had a mysterious addition of Pokèmon to our Pokèdexes which we haven't actually seen. Has anyone else had this happen?
Gengar safely in hand, or in ball, I suppose, we finally went into Forbidden Planet. I'm not entirely sure how long we spent in there (time moves differently when geeks converge), but we went through pretty much every manga, graphic novel, figurine and mug that they had to offer. Somehow, I managed to tear myself away without buying everything I could touch, but Mel didn't escape quite so unscathed as I found myself giving her a full lecture on everything we encountered, excitement spilling out of my mouth like glittery vomit. Poor, poor girl... and her poor, poor ears... I did buy one thing though, a copy of How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You for
Once we escaped the time warp, we went to the Harry Potter exhibition in the House of MinaLima. If you are a Potter fan and in the area, I recommend going to check it out. It's free and the prints you can get (not free) are gorgeous and would make great gifts. There are so many movie props to see! The staff really knew there stuff and I had a really interesting conversation with one of them about the inspiration behind the art styles and the comparison between the anti-muggle literature and Cold War propaganda. I loved seeing these pieces from the later films because you need exceptionally sharp eyes to spot them within the actual movies and some poor soul must have spent hours on them! He also told me a great deal about the hidden gems that you can find in the Daily Prophet such as the infamous Ginger Witch (named after an accident prone ginger crew member) and her many brushes with death. I think Mel's favourite was the collection of newspaper ads such as the Witch Watcher's slimming potions! A whole floor was covered in the Marauder's Map and you were beckoned up to the exhibition by a trail of Hogwarts Acceptance Letters. Unfortunately, it's a small, old building with a spiral staircase so most likely not wheelchair accessible but you may want to check for yourself.
Dressing up for the second night in a row, we made our way to the London Palladium to see Alan Cumming Sings Sappy Songs. If you read my original post you will know that this show is a huge part of why I'm now writing this blog. Alan Cumming has an incredible voice, he manages to sing in his own accent while perfectly enunciating every word and ensuring you don't miss a single syllable. Even the song he chose in French is so well performed you felt that you understood every word regardless of whether you spoke the language. There was a real honesty to his stories and Alan possesses that rare gift of being able to perform to an innumerable audience and make each individual person feel a unique connection to both him and his tales.
As soon as we got home, we polished off the Prosecco and, once I downloaded Alan's album, I made Mel watch Battle Royale because I'm the type of friend who sets homework and will quiz you afterwards to make sure you were watching closely enough! I've honestly lost count of the amount of things I've made Mel watch/play/listen to, she has such patience!
The following day was a lot more relaxed and we returned to Oxford Circus to collapse in a coffee shop and catch some Pokèmon. It had been another hot night and we were both quite tired. I soon discovered that no amount of coffee would fend off the army of Drowzees that were surrounding us. We stayed there for a couple of hours and, once I'd used up all of Mel's lures, I bid her farewell and headed home.
On my way back, I was seated next to a very nice guy who was watching The Warriors, he even offered to let me borrow an ear bud and watch along, bless him. I made it home with even more stuff than I'd left with and mum all but carried me back to the sofa where we flicked on the TV just in time for Gladiators on Challenge. It was like I'd never left!
I had a really fantastic weekend and cannot thank Mel enough for everything she did for me, what an incredible birthday. As punishment, I've had a migraine since I got back (though not as bad as The Wedding Migraine of April '16) and had one of my 'favourite' recurring nightmares about S.
Got a few plans for next week and I look forward to telling you all about it next time!
Xx
10 Oct 2016
An Introduction
On Friday, I went to London for a short but wonderful trip with my friend Mel where we did many fantastic things. I'll get into that more on my first 'proper' post. However, it deserves an initial mention here because this trip is the reason I am now writing this post.
While watching Alan Cumming Sings Sappy Songs, I started thinking about how I used to review things and how I'd like to start doing that again. From this, I developed this little diary where I aim to write a post every week (Worra Dun Wednesdays) about my adventures, dreams and musings.
I have a few reasons for starting this blog aside from the initial inspiration; I need to start practicing my writing again, it gives me some structure, I have somewhere to further expand on the #FiveGoodThings I started on Twitter and the title of my blog is a great example of how Geordie speak could easily be a location on Middle Earth.
As much as I want to use this space as somewhere to focus on good things and aid in self care, I am also going to be talking a lot more openly about the more negative things that happen. I made a post on my birthday where I talked a little about my mental illness and said that I was still sometimes ashamed of it. A lot of people who read this very kindly told me I needn't be ashamed, which is my own fault as I did not explain myself very well. When I said that I still felt shame, I meant that I still sometimes fell back on the trained response to my mental illness that has been taught to me over many years. I know I do not need to be ashamed and, in general I am not, but I am still unlearning a lot of things that society teaches us.
As I mentioned earlier, my dreams will probably be written about a lot in my upcoming entries. While I believe that most, if not all, dreams are nothing more than your brain emitting a long fart at the end of the day; as a recovering (mostly) sufferer of PTSD, my dreams can weigh heavily on my days and my ability to deal with things. Whether I intend them to be or not, they are a big part of my life so it seems only fair they would have equal sway in my diary. I have recurring nightmares about certain people, whose names I will not be sharing. I do this not to protect them but to protect myself as, even though moving back to Durham was for my own well-being, I am not as safe here as I was in London because of them.
Anyway, I believe that's enough pre-amble for now! You can expect my first entry this Wednesday, I hope to see you then.
Xx
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