Hopefully this post won't be too late, took me a while to get going as I had to take mummy for walkies and then laptop decided it needed 40,000 updates which took foreverrrrr. I got back from my walk over an hour and a half ago! Mum behaved very well though, no lead but she didn't run off and chase sheep or anything!
Evening stroll with mum
We've done a fair bit of walking this past week, enough to hatch an egg or two on Pokémon Go - finally got past my target of 150 pokémon (resting at a solid 151 as of this evening). Also finally getting the hang of gyms - I couldn't work out why other beginners found it so much easier than I for several months until I found out you can tag team but me being a massive loner had to struggle on alone. I kick ass now though so it all worked out well in the end. Also nearly up to level 25, which is no small feat when you live in an area that frequently has no pokémon hanging around it's entire lack of gyms and pokéstops. Good times!
Mostly we've just been mooching around the local area but we did have a look out to Killhope one evening as well as down by the river in Bishop Auckland. Killhope was a strange experience. When I was about five, mum worked there as one of the tour guides - it's an old lead mine turned tourist attraction. It felt like it took years to drive there and I used to totter around giving the tour with mum, for years I genuinely thought I had a job there as mum would reward me with a couple of quid for 'helping' her. To be fair, I probably was part of the attraction before long as I spent half my childhood sat in the small ford you have to drive through to get to the mine. I don't know how I managed it but I had an uncanny knack for sticking my ass into the only patch of water for miles given half a chance and yet mum always trusted me when I told her I wouldn't paddle. Fool!
The photo doesn't really do it justice, but the moon was so bright it actually gave me a shadow. I kept looking behind me, expecting a sneaky man trolling me with a torch. It's amazing how much brighter the moon is away from city lights.
It was strange to go back there after so many years. Especially at night - felt like we'd broken in even though it's a public footpath. I half expected to be welcomed back to the car with blue flashing lights. Everything was still so familiar to me, some of my strongest childhood memories are from Killhope, perhaps even most of them. I loved 'working' there; showing the other kids how to use the tools, walking into the woods first thing to feed the pigs and turn on the water wheel and pressing the button in the mine for dynamite sounds (a surprise I rather ruined by begging mum to let me press it already!). On Hallowe'en, the staff would dress up and do a haunted mine tour which basically consisted of hanging ripped toilet roll from the ceiling but I loved it!
Bishop was another trip down memory lane for mum, she took us to where she used to play as a child, under a huge viaduct which has since been graffiti'd (or whatever the word is) with the hard hitting words 'Pug Life!' It was a nice day though and I had the pleasure of petting many doggos which improves any situation, I find. Pug life, indeed... We went to the river and skipped stones before walking around her old haunts.
I found a stone that looks like No Face
For any of you wondering why last week's entry is missing, it's because I had the worst period of my entire life and ended up getting the flu on top of it. Week-long migraine, back pain, cramps, sore throat and a grumbly tummy. Good times! By the time I started to feel better it was already the weekend so I thought I may as well just hold off until this week or I'd have literally nothing to write today!
On the plus side, it gave me several days to really focus on self care and just existing. This may seem like avery lazy endeavour but I honestly cannot remember a time in my life when I wasn't just waiting for the next thing to happen and worrying. Instead, I allowed myself the time to just look after me. To have a shower and brush my teeth because I cared about my well being, not because I was scared of looking less than my best for someone who wouldn't even notice. Again, this might seem like a really obvious thing to do but sometime during my depression I fell out of the habit of doing these things for me and would only shower/get dressed etc if there was a chance someone would notice. It's hard to give a shit about having greasy hair when you already feel terrible about a thousand other things, but sometimes all it takes is washing away that grease to make every 'insurmountable' problem seem a lot more manageable. Taking the time to do regular daily things just for myself, if nothing else, gave me a real sense of perspective. I'm always so afraid of time running, running, running away from me. Paradoxically, slowing yourself down and stopping to smell the roses and all that jazz gives you more time to deal with the hard stuff. It's not always easy to do but with every conscious effort to look after myself, it gets a little more normal, a little more acceptable to care for myself.
Phew, that was a mouthful... well, a handful, I guess!
At the weekend, mum and I went to Durham to do some research on Peter's family tree again. We finally managed to pull it more or less together and mum made a little story/timeline thing for him to read. It's really interesting looking into people's lives like this, there's a point where it stops being names on a page and becomes real lives and I found myself wondering what these people were like. What did they enjoy doing? What did they talk about? Did they spend hours pondering things they'd never have answers for? We still have a lot more to look into for mum's book and I think nana and Peter want us to delve even further if we can which should be... interesting. Especially when it comes to looking up the Polish relatives when neither of us speak the language, it's hard enough to read the English sometimes!
It was lucky we got there in one piece, on the motorway a car on the left and on the right decided to pull in front of us at the same time with no regard for each other. Slightly terrifying! In Durham, mum went to a new dentist for her check up and it was one of the most surreal experiences I've ever had! A man came in for a nap in the waiting room, Paint it Black thrummed through the speakers and a small child yelled 'Cubone! Cubone!' from the office.
Since we were halfway there, I took the opportunity to book my next tattoo in Newcastle. Unfortunately Jay is mostly booked on weekends so I have a bit of a wait - exactly a month from today, actually - but I'm excited all the same. It also coincided with a Brexit protest so I shoehorned in on that while mum was researching. I just caught the tail end of it but I was so proud of my geordie pals for all the protesting they've been doing - it's so easy to forget that people care sometimes.
[CN: food]
For lunch, we went to the Handmade Burger Co. and I had a bacony, auberginey contraption which was about as big as my face and a side of sweet potato fries. It was a bit 'we kind of wish we were a club so we don't have lights and will keep the music pumping' but the food was absolutely delightful. I still have no idea how you're supposed to actually eat the thing though... I tried cutting it, shoving it in my face, squashing it down... I basically ended up with a dishevelled mess on the plate that used to be a burger. Still tasted damn good though!
[/CN]
On the way home, I got a very yummy milkshake and all but passed out in the car - excessive concentration on family history is really draining!
I had another check up with the magical Dr Walker and my CC and everything seems to be going more or less smoothly. My new dose of meds seems to be a good level for me, I'm still experiencing depression but it's at a much more manageable level and I'm hoping it will be a sort of Harry vs. the Boggart!Dementor effect and I'll be able to practice fighting the real deal on this lesser version.
I'm glad I made it through the meeting in one piece, I barely slept that night because I was so anxious about my CC coming to pick me up (I didn't know the exact minute she'd be arriving and that Panicked Me). My brand new fidget cube got quite the beating as I sat waiting for her. On the bright side though, Dr Walker has written a letter for me which should hopefully help me receive uni funding.
Unintentional Maggie Smith poof
I was also very excited to finally receive my copies of Absolute Power and The Lavender Menace which I helped fund on kickstarter last year. I can't wait to get stuck into them, enjoy some selfies of me posing with queer books because I am incredibly vain (and getting much better at eyebrows).
Since I've been a poorly owl, I spent a lot of my time re-watching The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and laughing at Markiplier on youtube. I think the reason I like him so much is that his enthusiasm for games is exactly the same as mine for films. We can both spend 5 minutes excitedly chattering about a tiny, inconsequential but clever piece of scenery as well as having stupid conversations with people on the other side of the screen who probably can't hear our insults and battle challenges. Probably. I have to thank Kara for linking me to his Tattletail series to cheer me up during my ouchiest times.
I'm still not used to this youtube celebrity thing. I mean, I'm absolutely not denying that these people work hard to get thousands upon thousands of subscribers and record, edit and upload all the time but it's just so accessible you feel like you're just watching one of your mates, not someone that millions of others look up to. I think the problem is that I feel like if I were the one with ten million subscribers I wouldn't expect any of them to want my autograph! Or perhaps it's just that it's a modern phenomenon and I still hold movie stars and musicians in higher esteem than most others. Either way, I think it's great that people are finding new and creative ways of earning a living and doing what they love.
Whatever the case, I must have watched about 24 hours of his videos in the last week alone which is... terrifying, but he's really easy going and has access to games I don't (mostly thanks to this terrible laptop) so I get to 'play' them too. It's actually really inspiring to watch him too, it makes me want to get up and do things. I'd really love to be able to do let's play videos like that and perhaps when I eventually get a PS4, I will do. For a second there I was convinced there was a PS5 and had to do a bit of googling.
Anyway, the thing I've been saving 'til last is sort of linked to this, in that it involves my old pal Kara who I mentioned in my last post (I think!). Her band Syd.31 is doing really well and on Sunday they held an online album launch party for a sneak preview before the real deal this weekend.
Syd.31 are a four piece industrial punk band from Manchester with influences ranging from Joy Division to Marilyn Manson and a nice eclectic mix in between. It's clear that the band have a great love and respect for music as a means of communicating. Though the lyrics may not be subtly crafted poetry, there's a beauty to them in their pure honesty and equally raw delivery which, accompanied by a blend of synth drums, heavy guitar and samples, take you on a genre-bending tour of the emotions. The freaks, those left behind by society, can find a home within the lyrics, beckoning you into the fold with thumping beat and distorted riffs abound.
There's no time for preconception as Dr Magic and co. guide you from tender sadness to unadulterated rage to bopping with joyful abandon from one track to the next. Not knowing what to expect makes this album fresh and unique while still paying homage to the bands they love and the nerve-shredding adrenaline that comes from being in the crowd as they play. Dr Magic makes it clear that his real love is for live music and his album was intended to recreate the sound and sensation of being in a club watching the band thrash on stage, rather than giving you a carefully crafted album which strikes every note with well-practiced perfection. By no means is this an excuse for mediocrity. The album is sleek and sexy, bouncing from style to style as easily as one would press shuffle on iTunes.
It may not recreate the sheer cataclysmic experience of standing in a crowd in a sweaty, dark room - though, what truly could capture it? - but it serves well as an appetiser, a taste of what is to come if you see the band in their natural habitat; no holds barred, covered in blood, screaming for us to join them and, after listening to The Last Punks on Earth, why wouldn't you?
Syd.31 are on Facebook and Twitter and you can buy their album (or pre-order bundle) right here.
No comments:
Post a Comment