I'm going to try and keep this brief because I've been on hold for two hours (shaking so much I can't actually stand up but I bloody well did it!) and filling in some very taxing forms and my brain is dribbling out of my ears. Studenting r hard. Managed to completely fuck up my student application; got to a page that was like 'Do you fit into category A or category B?' and I fit into both so I took a punt and went for one when I should have gone for the other. Brilliant. To be fair, it was about as clear as if it had just asked me to pick one of the letters! Think I've got it sorted now though, so once I find somewhere to print out a zillion forms I should be back on track.
Also, last week I promised you all pretty photos but my plans were scuppered by Storm Doris who chewed up and spat out the studio we planned to shoot in! Hopefully I'll be heading down soon, I'm looking forward to working with my lovely friend Steve. I will let you know as soon as we make new plans.
On a more positive note, I finished my Odd Thomas binge. It got a little repetitive at times - every book using an almost word for word recap of certain plot lines & character descriptions. In fact, I'm fairly certain a couple of lines were literally just copied and pasted. I can understand why - if you pick up the 7th book first you might get a little lost but it got pretty wearing reading the same paragraph every day for a week.
I would suggest, unless you hate the first book, you read the whole series. You don't have to, of course, but stopping halfway would be like reading Harry Potter up to book four - you get the adventures but you never find out how he defeats Voldemort which is kind of the whole point. The last book ties everything in nicely and the story comes full circle, with an ending that had me a little teary eyed (in a good way!). There were one or two gaping holes in terms of lore, not so much a plot hole as an unanswered question, but since the message of the series is basically 'the world is deep and mysterious and has many secrets' perhaps it works in it's favour that we never get all the answers.
The story does work along basic Christian theology - heaven & hell and an acceptance of some sort of God - but it's not preachy in any way and actually comes up with a very interesting... well, not ideology, but perhaps a philosophy. It certainly hasn't converted me but I enjoyed the theories and speculations that tie into the story.
I was really surprised when some of my mental health issues were casually brought up in one of the books. It was a strange moment of triumph and disappointment - I've never seen depersonalisation mentioned in any fiction, written or filmed, before but of course it had to be the evil scientist who was using mind control and living creepily through his slaves. There was a specific disclaimer to say his MH issues weren't anything to do with him being a wanker but with so few role models to choose from* (see ONE*) it would have been nice if he could have been a little less abusive and, y'know, murderous.
All in all, it's a masterfully written series with some wonderful words that I was hitherto unfamiliar with, as well as a couple of things that made me giggle. Odd meets some very bizarre characters along his journey (including some names you will certainly be familiar with) and I love his eccentric attitude and their interactions together. There's also a very lovely - but not too sickly - love story woven throughout. I was thoroughly bored to tears watching The Notebook but Odd Thomas establishes a beautiful relationship without laying it on too thick despite it being the driving force behind Odd and his efforts to fight evil.
Decapitated cat
Mum and I have had a few more trips out - to various libraries and towns (and Pokéstops!). On Saturday we headed up to Newcastle, somehow managing to stretch a one hour drive into twice that, Peter has asked mum to look into his family history so we took advantage of the facilities at Newcastle library. On the way we passed a Rohan clothing shop and mum had to cling onto me to stop me from runningin yelling 'the beacons are lit!' because I am a child.
We also went for a walk up to the local library to return my books, it took us twice as long to get back as to get there even though the way back is downhill. Why? Because the wind was so strong if I jumped I would fly backwards twenty feet!
Windswept!
I quite like going to the library there though, I leave mum to deal with the scary librarians while I take over the gym outside. I would like to know how it's alright to charge me £10 for being 3 days overdue on a couple of books, but I don't get to fine them for being a month late on the books I ordered!
It's been a bit of an off week for sleep, I've been sleeping less and less and now mum is back at work I'm remembering how difficult it is to get y ass conscious and outta bed without her assistance. I'm trying, of course, but today I just couldn't stay conscious long enough to sit up let alone be productive. I finally managed to haul my butt out of bed sometime after 1pm and then was sat on the phone having a panic attack on hold so not really sure it was entirely worth it!
Also in 'Things My Brain Likes to Troll Me With' this week, I've been having a series of dreams where everyone I care about is killed or dies because of me failing to protect them. So that's fun! I don't exactly believe in prophetic dreams but the frequency with which I've been having these ones, and their sudden appearance out of nowhere, is making me a little nervous. I'm sort of waiting for something to go horribly wrong so I can convince myself that it's my fault for not acting on the dream, if that makes sense.
Looking at it rationally, I think perhaps I'm having these dreams because I feel that certain relationships that meant a lot to me are getting strained and people are drifting away from me - our relationships are dying, as it were. It wasn't something I was aware was upsetting me so much but obviously it was at least on a subconscious level.
Things have been rather difficult this week and I can feel myself slipping back into old habits/ways of thinking. I'm really hoping that my awareness of it will go some way towards me being able to fight it off. I can't go back to how I was a year ago. I just can't.
I've got my next meeting with Dr Walker soon so hopefully that will help too. Other than that, I just have to try my hardest to keep disagreeing with the bad thoughts and asking mum for cups of tea.
[food]
I have to admit being rather spoiled this week, with Pancake Day on Tuesday and mum being too tired to make dessert I got two days of pancakes instead! Lucky! I absolutely adore pancakes, I once managed to eat thirteen in one sitting. Proper dinner plate size ones too! Couldn't get anywhere close to that these days and I was skinny as a rake then, go figure. Also had a really nice M&S meal from the 2 for £10 section, the new Clubhouse Bacon Double burger from McDonald's and a box of chocolates. In fairness though, we exercised way more than usual too so it kinda almost balances out... right?
[/food]
Finally, I would like to give a shoutout to my old friend Kara who I've recently gotten back in touch with. A few years ago we were more or less inseparable until she moved to Manchester and we just sort of drifted out of each other's lives.
We managed to drift back into contact recently and I'm so pleased to say she's living the dream over there with her new band Syd.31! Their debut album will be up for sale very soon, you can pre-order right here and you can listen to their first official single below. They have a very cool punk aesthetic and sound; think Discharge
Xx
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