16.11.16

Hello all!

[TW: depression, drugs]

Well, it's been a bloody frustrating day, to say the least! Met my replacement care coordinator today, who finally explained to me exactly what the hell a care coordinator is. She seemed nice enough and threw a few ideas around, but at this point I've been passed around so many different people (lots of whom promise to see me again, then never do) that I'm highly sceptical that anything will ever get done. Still, she's already doing better than the last one who went to the wrong house and then blamed me for not being there! It was only when she said she could hear the dog barking and we told her that we didn't have a dog that she finally admitted she might be the one in the wrong. When she eventually made it to our house a fortnight later, our conversation led to a complete breakdown. She then told me 'not to get so upset' and that I 'seem down.' It's almost like she was assigned to see me because I'm depressed or something?!

Today's incredibly brief meeting with CC 2.0 was alright overall, though marred slightly by the fact we got a snarky letter from the NHS blaming me for the poor care I've received thus far. And when I say 'we' got a letter, I mean they told tales on us to our local MP who then forwarded the letter to us! Heaven forbid anyone get in touch with me directly...

All ranting aside, it's not the actual problems I really take issue with, it's the fact that for all the 'how is your mood?' and 'how does that make you feel?' No one ever actually listens to me. Perhaps if they did I wouldn't still be in exactly the same position I was over ten years ago!

Possibly the worst part is that I've now told my GP and the CC about the difficulty I've been having with my meds and the delightful effects they've been having on my nightmares. Both times I was told that we'd discuss it with my psych doctor, which is protocol, so I understand why they said it but it means I have to wait five more weeks before anything gets done. I don't know whether to stick to the meds and suffer, or stop taking them and suffer anyway.

Aaaaaaaand *deep breath*

[/TW]

On a much sillier note, I made a little lesbian family on The Sims of me and Mel with a teeny tiny doge that we named Juniper (I didn't think of Junipupper until I'd saved their names, missed opportunity!). I don't think she's yet realised I'm continuing my trend of naming pets after Pokèmon characters... don't tell her!

This week Mel and I also started to watch Tokyo Ghoul which I speak very highly of but have only rated three stars on Netflix. This seems to suggest I warmed to the idea of torturing and eating people over time. I was a bit of a late bloomer as an anime fan; it always seemed like something I should like but, aside from Pokèmon, I never really watched any until the last couple of years. I've already made Mel sit through a few more light hearted shows, but as an avid horror fan, I thought she'd like this one. Very romantic date night viewing!

I also watched some Doctor Who with Lily. I'm not the biggest fan of the show but I liked watching it with her. We met many moons ago on tumblr through our mutual interest in theatre and various British shows. With the cast that Doctor Who has it's basically the epitome of both topics combined so it feels kind of special to share it with her, a little reminder of where we started. We watched some Eccleston, Tennant, and Smith, veering towards the light hearted episodes due to me having a massive sulk on. Arthur Weasley on a triceratops definitely helped.

[CN: food]

I've been ridiculously efficient this year and finished my Christmas shopping on Thursday. Even got it all wrapped and posted! I usually have Lily's ready at about this time because of how long it takes to get to her but normally you'd be lucky if I've even started on anyone else's by Christmas Eve! I just seem to have been lucky with finds this year. As a reward, mum and I also bought a very healthy evening snack of jam doughnuts, salted caramel muffins, black forest cookies and chocolate chip brioche! Divine.

We also bought some Children in Need popcorn today which was disgusting but we couldn't stop eating it. It honestly took us about three minutes to scoff the whole packet and neither of us liked it at all!

Michelle stopped by on Monday and brought choccies and cookies as well, so it's been a really healthy week!

[/CN]

This week, I fiiiiinally finished Dexter and I'm sure you've all been dying to know what my final thoughts are. Let me sum it up with this tweet. I can't even be angry at the ending it was just... bland. They killed off half the cast and had a huge storm not dissimilar to the ending of the Life is Strange game and yet I was completely unmoved. It just made very little sense to me, there didn't seem to be any point to it other than to be as dramatic as possible in the most shallow way. Very disappointing. I really wish I had more to say on the subject but it really got to be an effort to watch it towards the end. I've always had a bit of a problem with the first episode of the season where they add in the clunkiest 'oh hello Dexter it has been seven months since I saw you and these people got married and I was at this funeral, isn't life funny?' dialogue. Subtle. It felt like a lot of the plot points of the final season had been shoehorned in just to wrap things up, which possibly isn't entirely the writer's fault if they had initially planned for more seasons. It's a shame that a show with so much potential ended so averagely. I would certainly recommend watching the first four seasons, perhaps even the first six at a push but the last two didn't add anything to the show for me.

On Sunday, mum took me up to Jesmond Dene for a walk. There is a footpath around the water that's six or seven miles long but we only walked about 2 or 3 due to sudden rainyness. It's a strange little walk, you're sort of below street level in the middle of town and yet surrounded by forest and completely isolated. There were lots of tunnels and offshoots from the pathway, it looks like it would take a long time time to explore the whole area even though it's so narrow. A magical hidden wilderness under the city. We also found an abandoned mill down there which was fun to explore!

Taking shelter from the rain, we somehow ended up in the Metrocentre (mum and the one way system in Newcastle are like two magnetic poles constantly repelling each other) where I met up with Blayn. I first met Blayn on ~the interwebs~ a couple of weeks ago during my very brief stint on Tinder and we got on straight away. I felt totally at ease the second I met him, an effect I think he has on everyone with his friendly nature. Neither of us are particularly coffee people but we both felt the calling that day. I got a hazelnut latte which I've never had before, very yummy! We seem to have a lot in common and we talked about so many things; our respective relationships, politics, anime, British VS American culture (he is from Oklahoma), gender and queerness... Conversation flowed so easily between us, I almost feel like it's a shame we got on so well because I know he's moving back to the USA before long. Still, I love my online friends and I'm sure he'll be one of them when he does go home.

After a lovely day, I arrived home and drank a beer the size of my face. Lovely. I don't have any plans set in stone for this week so we'll see what I have to write about this time next week. See you later!

Xx