The uppy-downyness has increased dramatically this week, let me tell you. It's been... eventful.
On Thursday, I had a quick haircut before mum and me went to Durham to see the Open Treasure exhibition at the cathedral. There was a huge collection of stone work from around the area and some amazing pieces of jewellery and crockery. I was a little disappointed by how many replicas there were instead of originals but I suppose for people who don't have an active interest in history, or aren't related to my mother, it would have been more informative. We had yet another encounter with the middle class brigade when we accidentally headed from the exhibition towards the library and we're practically handcuffed because (insert shrill voice here) 'you have to be library members!' I half expected her to test our reading comprehension when we told her we were, in fact, members. It really angers me that everyone is so presumptuous because it upsets mum so much. She does all of this research around a full time job and every single person we encounter looks down their nose at her - once even literally!
By coincidence, some friends of ours were in town also so after a mooch about the exhibition (during which someone told me that some of Harry Potter was filmed there, to which is was so tempted to reply 'do you know who I am?') we enter and met them for a pint at Wetherspoons. It was nice to catch up with them, I've known Scott since he was a lump in Michelle's tummy and Michelle has known me since I was barely old enough to go to school. I think it meant a lot to my mum to see her outside of work - they've been colleagues for several years now but Michelle has left. I think it served as a reminder that they were friends before they were colleagues and that this wasn't goodbye. Although saying that, mum spent all of Monday popping into the office and being reminded that her friend wasn't behind the desk anymore.
Most importantly, I caught about 4,000 Pokèmon with the special Hallowe'en event that's been going on. Mum has started using alternate routes when we go anywhere because she likes me to tell her where all the Pokèstops are. Unfortunately she can't get Pokèmon Go on her phone so she must live vicariously through me.
Back when the show was still airing, I was a pretty keen viewer of Dexter. I lost interest in the hiatus between seasons 6 and 7 and never went back. For whatever reason, I decided to give it another go and since Thursday I've made it to about halfway through seasons 3. I'm kind of glad I left it as long as I did because, while I remember the broad strokes, most is still a mystery once again so I get to enjoy the writing like it's the first time again. There have been a couple of 'oh snap!' moments and a lot more 'oh I forgot about you!' It's interesting that since being diagnosed with depersonalisation disorder, I frequently hear echoes of it in his internal monologues. I have never thought of Dexter as a psychopath because he does seem to have a lot of emotions, deep as they may be buried. I think perhaps I remembered enough to kind of be drawn back to it because - aside from the chopping up people and chucking them in the sea - I do see a lot of similarities between us.
On Friday, we popped further into the wilderness to see my nana and have a catch up. Whenever we go up there's always some weird and wonderful additions and edits being made to the house. This time around the living room had been recarpeted and now reeks of sheep because the wool wasn't conditioned properly.
[TW: Mental health, abuse]
And then, disaster struck. Due to... well, I don't even know what, but from Friday night and through most of Saturday I was crying uncontrollably. My mum and my friends were all there for me through the whole thing but I was just inconsolable.
Because of what happened with S, and the endless nightmares, sometimes I get scared that I am just like them. Because we were friends for so long, starting at such a young age they made up so much of my identity. Sometimes we'd end up dressed the same and it wasn't even on purpose! At the time I saw them as a friend but looking back on it the abuse is so blatant I'm almost ashamed I wasn't smarter. But at the time I was also dealing with St, B and A, not to mention a paedophile grooming me online, that I never thought to look a little closer to home to see who might be hurting me most. So actually introduced me to St, B and the paedophile. I honestly don't know if it was a deliberate action on their part.
Anyway, back to my original point, sometimes the fear of being someone else's S overwhelms me sometimes and I just become completely locked in my head and unreachable. I'm so sorry to the people who have witnessed me in that state. I don't know if that's entirely what happened but it certainly accounts for some of it. The rest I'm just going to challenge up to general depression shenanigans.
[/TW]
Originally, mum and I had planned to go to Newcastle early so we could get some research done before I headed over to Ant's house. That plan was quickly drowned in my tears but I somehow managed to pull myself out of my own head enough to get to Ant's in the evening. I took a few DVDs with me for a Hallowe'en themed movie night but those plans were also scuppered when we spent half the night watching daft shit on youtube before switching to Psychoville which Ant hadn't seen. A lot of beer, whisky, funny videos and copious amounts of selfies later, we finally at least watched Pan's Labyrinth which is one of my favourite films.
Somewhere in the middle of all of this I managed to trick two incredibly lovely people to go out with me. This is the first poly relationship for any of us, and while I'm over the moon with how lucky I am to have them, I probably won't be talking much about it on here. The reason for this is that this blog is boutique me, and while hey are both a huge part of my life, it's not my place to shout their personal lives out into the interwebs.
I never manage to sleep after I've had a drink so I was up bright and early for a cuppa, a sausage sandwich and to introduce Ant to Archer. We also caught up on Bob's Burgers (which is how I found out that he hadn't seen Archer) and he introduced me to a bizarre little show called Brickleberry which I will definitely be watching more of when I'm finished with serial killers.
I've known Ant for a few years now but we've never really spent much time together so I'm really glad I managed to finally stop procrastinating and went to see him! And, like fast acting karma, I was rewarded for my actions with belated birthday gifts!
On the way home on Sunday, mum and I stopped off at ASDA for lunch which ended up being a complete waste of time. According to the woman behind the counter they just don't get food on Sundays so why on earth the café was open is a mystery to me. Rather helpfully, instead of just letting us know what was available she let me order three different meals and told me none were available. I gave up after that because she was getting on my nerves.
On the plus side, heading back home I spotted an empty gym and panic-stricken (because we were in the car) shoved the first Pokèmon I saw into it. My CP 400 Butterfree actually managed to hold down the fort for a good few hours, I was quite surprised. Mum has started theory that nobody wanted a gym in such a crappy location!
Monday (and today) I've mostly been couch-bound with Mystery Stomach Pains™ but I joined Letterboxd and started a pre-emptive strike on the spring cleaning. I've made a good start but I always get really anal about these things and end up reorganising absolutely everything so I've still got a few days work to go. And as I'm sure you all know, you always need to spend a whole day looking to all the junk you didn't know you had and can't possibly throw out even though you haven't used it in seven years.
After eating my body weight in popcorn we went to The March Hare for pizza! We need up getting a free meal because of a slight mix up in the kitchen but it was worth the wait. We had a BBQ and Thai style pizzas respectively, though of course I sampled both! I think we both ate a bit too much but it was so worth it.
No comments:
Post a Comment