This is getting written a bit later than usual, I suddenly had the urge to dye my hair. I'm giving it a few days rest then it'll be getting done again, hopefully to the colour I want it! Right now it's an interesting copper-blonde-rose-black (I call it Coppondé) combination which I'm quite enjoying. I remember people at school being super embarrassed when they bleached their hair and it went orangey but I think it's brill!
Mum attempting to photobomb
I'm not sure why the back is so resolutely dark - I'm always careful to dye everywhere, especially since it's so short but there you go. Looks pretty cool, imo! Mum was complaining it was too dark with the blue-black so I thought what the hey. She's decided she likes it like this now, so she doesn't want me to colour it anymore. Bloody awkward!
You can't really see but my roots are WHITE
As usual, I've been watching a lot of Netflix but I've tried to balance it out this week with a bit of reading. I got a nice mix from the library last week from Serious Reads to comics and a few things in between. I've always loved reading but I've allowed myself to become incredibly lazy and just stick the telly on because it's easier. Or rather, not easier but noisier, which helps keep my brain nice and distracted from other things.
Still, I feel like I've reached somewhat of a plateau in terms of learning and bettering myself so I've decided to give myself a kick on the behind and start reading again. I've always wanted to know more, to experience more and above all to be able to explain more. At school I was always excited about the idea of One Day. One day I will know thousands upon thousands of words. One day I will be able to talk in great detail about intellectual topics and keep up with incredibly clever people. One day, one day, one day. This was all fine and well when I was at school as I was in full time education, but since then I've sort of just been sat around hoping to magically absorb things out of sheer keenness. The osmosis of enthusiasm, I suppose! If you have a goodreads account, feel free to add me as a friend!
I watched Netflix original Beyond which is sort of what would have happened if Diablo Cody (Juno, Jennifer's Body) wrote some kind of X-Men, Chronicle crossbreed with a Fargo-esque baddie. There were some interesting ideas but it felt a little like we were just hearing the same question over and over instead of actually getting to an answer. We do eventually but because it's taken so long it's all a bit rushed. Perhaps it will be expanded upon in the next season. It was interesting enough and the Man in the Yellow Jacket was a really nice piece of writing but I wasn't totally blown away by it. The Realm was very, very pretty but I got a bit tired of everyone having a smart answer all the time, it's just not realistic to me.
I also watched Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency which stars Elijah Wood and Samuel Barnett, both of whom I love so I was very excited to start watching. As far as I can tell, minus the aliens it's basically America's answer to Doctor Who - eccentric English guy walks around talking a mile a minute and more or less kidnapping an assistant to solve shit. Unfortunately, it rather lacks the charm of Doctor Who because Dirk (Barnett) may talk as much as him, and with the same level of enthusiasm, but he doesn't actually know anything. In fact, he's really bloody annoying. This is very deliberate as we see him through Todd's (Wood) eyes and he doesn't like him very much. It's all a bit hectic and frantic which distracts from the fact that nothing much is actually happening.
Most of it makes about as much sense as this
You may wonder why I kept watching if I wasn't really enjoying it and my answer is that though the main plot was a bit sub par, the supporting cast and subplots were much more intriguing. Dirk and Todd are joined by Farah; a badass security guard who will kick your ass and then hide in the corner out of sheer embarrassment when she says something dorky. What a great combination! As well as this, Todd's sister Amanda makes friends with the Rowdy 3 (think the nihilists in The Big Lebowski) who like to smash shit and have a good time. They're the good kind of skinhead... though not actually skinheads.
By far my favourite though, is holistic assassin Bart (Fiona Dourif - Brad Dourif's daughter!). Rough and ready, Bart meanders through life killing everyone she bumps into... because the universe tells her to. If there's one thing this show does well, it's mixing two characteristics together in a way you'd never expect, like the tough but anxious Farah. Bart is a sort of... talking wild animal. She's not house trained. She clumsily but effortlessly dispatches of people without breaking a sweat but ask her to turn on the radio and she's as helpless as a baby. She's delighted by the most everyday of objects, having never encountered them before, and you can't help finding her utterly adorable. She's a filthy, gruff voiced, cold blooded teddy bear.
I'm glad a did stick with it though, as though it may not be my favourite series in the world, finally understanding all the ins and outs of a rather complex plot was very satisfying. If you're a Who fan you may indeed enjoy this and it looks as though season two will be continuing where the first left off, which is in a much better place than it started!
I watched Spirited Away with Mel because she's never seen it before. I warned her it was weird but she apparently didn't believe me! She's finally booked tickets to come see me for Valentine's Day (yuck! Soppiness!) so I'm massively excited for that and I have Made Plans. I've also accidentally stolen some of her socks... oh well!
Last but not least, I watched the 1992 version of The Borrowers with Lily which I'd not seen before. You'd never guess there was only five years between that and the John Goodman version, seems more like fifteen, which is about 300 in movie years. This one was a lot more true to the book, which you can really tell by the attitudes of the characters! It's a bit twee and British in that way that we're still portrayed in American films - all tweed and Brief Encounter accents. I think I must have see every version of it now though, so that's kind of cool.
On Saturday, mum and I went out on the toon... shopping. I used it as an excuse to practice drawing my eyebrows - as I'm still not very good at it! - and catch some Pokémon. I managed to catch a few things and hatch an egg! Very exciting until I saw what was inside... Bloody Weedles. To make myself feel better, when I got home I gave myself a quiff and put on an excessive amount of lipstick. My labret is still healing but it's definitely getting better! Still finding it a bit difficult to eat apples but unhealthy things are easy, it's a sign!
On Sunday, it was cousin-sitting duty again and mum and I set off bright and- well, dark and early! Cousin was as excited as always to see us, he's one of the happiest creatures I've ever seen, it's rather delightful. I'm finally starting to feel like I know what to do with him - before I was always a bit 'I don't want to baby children but I can't talk to them like adults therefore I am stuck' with anyone under the age of 10 but I think I'm getting the hang of it now.
He got a little kitchen set for his birthday (with a microwave and a sink and everything, very swish!) and I taught him how to flip pancakes with a mini football in a frying pan. He was absolutely cackling with joy and it seems to be his new favourite trick. I also must thank Holly (who is a very talented artist and musician, please do check out her work) for teaching me how to make an owl sound with my hands as he now thinks I'm a wizard.
We went shopping as it is his mum's birthday today and I found a really cute pair of goldfish earrings that match my uncle's tattoo pretty well! We also went to the park where I got him to knock on a fairy door in case someone was in. The look of wonder on his face was priceless - who could be inside this tiny little house?? At one point he fell over and just lay there flat on his back with his arms and legs in the air like a pantomime horse, it was hilarious!
I was a bit embarrassed at first because we've had to succumb to the child leash - my cousin has an alarming habit of running into the road at any given moment (he still tried when we leashed him!) - but he absolutely loved it! He made a game of running ahead and pulling it taught then stopping still as a statue until we caught up, then shooting off again... into the road. It's hard to just hold his hand when we walk around because he's so excitable he just wants to run everywhere at once and no matter how many times we tell him, he just doesn't have any sense of danger when it comes to cars.
When we got back he crawled into my lap and we watched Room on the Broom and Stickman which was an emotional roller coaster, let me tell you! He's not usually a child who will it still for more than 30 seconds so I was pleasantly surprised when he sat quite happily with me for almost an hour!
It's really amazing how much he develops every time I see him - he's using proper sentences now, though he still can't quite say my name, bless him. He's a bit vain - like his cousin! - so we sat down and he sent video messages to my friends on my phone before watching them back 400 times.
Once home, I slipped into something more comfortable and cuddled up with the cat on the sofa with a book. Heaven.
Speaking of my name, I have to say a huge thank you to everyone who's made the effort to make the change and also everyone who says it suits me! Hawke is a super cool name and I am a super dork so I have no idea why you think that but it's appreciated all the same! I actually had a dream last night where everyone called me Hawke with no prompting/correcting which was nice. It's been my 'secret name' for so long it's kind of taking some getting used to now I'm actually using it.
I've been doing a fair bit of gaming this week as well. Mum's suddenly taken an interest in LA Noire but she hates actually playing games so she sat and watched me do it instead. It served me pretty well though as I've been a moody little bugger this week. I wonder if it's a sign that my depression is getting better that so often now I'm bloody furious. I always thought of myself as pretty chill, other people have said it to me often enough too but the past couple of weeks the slightest thing will set me off and I'll be angry for hours. I don't think I've secretly been ready to blow at any second beneath my depression all this time so I'm not really sure what the cause is, but I also feel like I've been understandably angry (as in for good reason) so perhaps it's more that instead of punishing myself I'm not allowing myself to feel rage over things that... well, ought to be raged over.
I think a lot of it stems from growing up and always being labelled the 'bad influence' child. I don't think I was a bad influence, I was always polite and spoke to everyone's parents (no one ever spoke to my mum!) and the 'worst' thing I ever did was steal a brussel sprout from ASDA when I was four. Despite that, I always did my best to be as sweet as can be and convince people they were wrong and that they should like me after all. I guess I've just reached the point now where it's suddenly hit me that even though I've done nothing wrong, I'm the one doing the leg work to make it right. It's hard work and a thankless job, let me tell you. Now that I've realised that I'm really hoping I can just stop doing it because people who have decided to dislike me before ever meeting me don't deserve all that effort and they can suck my dick tbh.
And on that note, I suppose I should mention the thing I've been trying to avoid thinking about. It's finally happened. Obama has stepped down and... and... yeah. I am genuinely terrified for so many people, including myself and I'm not even in the same country as the fucknugget. I am so proud of everyone who has participated in protests this week and I hope we will all continue to do so. I'm currently coping by making as many jokes as possible so if you're feeling as helpless and overwhelmed as I am by the situation, perhaps this will help...
America will be great again, but when will senpai notice me?
I leave you with this beautiful image. Until next time!
Xx
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