I think I've been equal parts busy and lazy this week. Been some long days but also some very long sleeps! I also did a little poll on twitter and The People have spoken so I will be including photos in this post, instead of just links. Let me know which you prefer!
[CN: food]
So, as you'll know if you read last week's post, I was on a bit of a downer so to perk me up, mum dragged me to M&S and we raided the choccies and puddings. I got some delicious hazelnut chocolate and we found a deal on some Asian food so loaded up on that as well. It was meant to last a few days but we scoffed the lot in one sitting! We did keep at least some of the dessert/chocolate for the next day, at least. Though I did eat all of that curled up in bed the next day... whoops. Sticky toffee pudding though, can you blame me?
[/CN]
On Saturday we had a super early start to get through to North Shields and look after my cousin for the day while his parents were out selling pizza. They have a FB/Twitter and now Insta so please do give them a follow and like!
It's unbelievable how much he grows every week, not just physically but his face is just constantly glowing with learning. He really listens to everything you say and absorbs everything in the environment. I think he learnt 3/4 new words just from hanging out with us that day. Also, his sense of direction already puts me to shame!
Here he is being suffocated by mum who can't work out why his head won't magically go through the hanger still in his jumper.
We had a very busy day playing with every. single. one. of his toys but only for a maximum of five minutes each and playing 'Simon Says' AKA cater to every one of my cousin's commands. He loves making people join in with his activities, from running and jumping to blowing on his food to cool it and even pulling faces! He's becoming a proper little human now. He also likes to make sure we're fully stocked on tea.
We went for a walk by the beach along to the high street, partly to tire the little bugger out, partly because I was down to less than 10 Pokéballs and panic was starting to set in! It was so sweet watching him pelt up and down the street, completely enthralled by all of the Christmas trees and fairy lights. It was a great distraction while I was training my Pokémon in the gym, too!
He wasn't quite as sure about the bloke we saw cycling up and down on a penny farthing wearing lederhosen and a WW1 German helmet and ringing a bell. He gave him a very tentative wave when I encouraged him but he didn't look convinced!
After a long walk we got back to his house and collapsed onto the couch wondering how the little ball of energy was still conscious. Eventually his parents came back to relieve us and we received payment in pizza before saying goodnight. Children are hard work, I have no idea how people do it, and my cousin is the sweetest, most easy going human on the planet.
I was very excited about receiving some jewellery from Etsy shop Absynia so I did a wee lil photoshoot to show off. There's some great stuff on there so you should definitely have a looksee! The rest of the photos are here.
Midi-ring
Bracelet (with actual lava!)
There was, however, a teeeensy hiccup which was kind of creepy in terms of timing. As I've mentioned plenty of times before, I frequently have dreams about S (thankfully slightly less horrific now I've changed my meds), but on Saturday night I had a slightly different dream. They were there and I walked right up to them and said 'I'm not afraid of you anymore.' Probably as close to closure as I'm going to get so I woke up feeling pretty good about myself, hoping that I could finally start to move on from my constant fear of discovery.
[TW: rape, PSTD]
Oh, how I would eat those words... while shopping I found a couple of super cheap games to add to my Xbox collection and while standing in line I saw someone standing behind the counter with their back to me. They reminded me of S but I shrugged it off, S is quite short and that person was about my height so it can't have been them (apparently high heels don't exist???). Then they turned around. I honestly don't know how to describe what I felt in that moment. It lasted for hours. They turned and I noticed everything. Every single hair that moved, the way their eyes (thankfully) skimmed straight past me, the way they now did their eyebrows, their extensions, their outfit, their piercings, their ink, them, them, them. It was a punch to the gut, my heart pounded, I start to tremble and sweat. I managed to mumble 'that's S' to my mum before shoving the pile of games into her hands and running outside.
I waited outside. I paced. I downed my coffee. I watched a staff member start to lock up. I wanted to scream 'you're working with a rapist!'. I wanted to disappear. I was alone for maybe a minute but it felt like days. Every passerby was a threat. Every glance I received said 'I know all about you and what you did.' I waited for S to come out of the shop and look me right in the eyes. I waited for them to catch me. To pull me under.
Mum came out a moment later, she hadn't been able to buy my games. She was shaking too. Her anger warmed me. I felt sick, at myself. I'd just re-dyed my hair and now I matched S. They wore it better. As soon as I got home I dyed my hair black. I put on my makeup, I took off my clothes. They had filled me with darkness and I wanted it to consume me. I wanted to look like the ice I felt in my veins. I wanted to take that hurt, that blackness, and make it mine. Make it my glacial armour that S could never ever penetrate. I wanted to show the disease it leaves under your skin.
[/TW]
I call him Jack Froste
We spent a good couple of hours playing penny slots, I taught him everything I knew in terms of tactics and picking the best machine. We also tried our hands at the shooting gallery, which I'm apparently pretty good at, and the throwing galleries, which I am not so good at... I also showed him the piano game. I don't know what the proper name of it is but it's basically a dance mat for your hands. Blayn wanted to challenge me to a game but after watching me to understand the concept, he totally backed out! Undisputed (and completely unchallenged) champion!
We did pretty well and actually managed to get over 700 tickets which we spent on some sweets (again for the Brit experience, I insisted on some Rainbow Drops) and a daft cushion for my mum because she's obsessed with Minions.
After kicking out time, we headed back into Newcastle to get a couple of drinks. Most places were completely dead so we ended up having one drink in three or four places, awkwardly staring at the empty dance floor. We bumped into Blayn's friend Kim who was also oot on the toon and made friends with a guy on his coming out bar crawl, and his insistently heterosexual friend. They were really sweet and we had a good laugh with them before heading to a club that had actual people in it and dancing the night away! It was kind of strange being the one with 'long' hair in the group!
It was a very late night and we had a great time dancing to some great tunes and some incredibly cheesy ones! Also, the DJ in one of the empty places was super cute and made up for the lack of anything happening!
I got off pretty lightly the next day, with a bit of a tender tummy but no other complaints. I did, however, learn what happens when I take my meds on an empty stomach and spent half the journey home as white as a sheet and clinging to consciousness through a lot of nausea. Huge thank you to Blayn for making sure I got home in one shivery piece!
Managed to pull myself around, thanks to food, and went for a haircut after. My hairdresser is adorable, I know it's part of the job to chat and gossip with the customers but she takes to it like a niffler to gold. She talked my ear off for half an hour (in a good way!) and then I came home and slept for fourteen hours... Must stop doing that!
Aside from the tiredness and one freak event of nausea, I seem to be handling these new meds a lot better than last and hopefully it'll just keep getting better. As I said before, please do let me know what you think of the new layout!
Xx
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